The Dreaded “S” Word – Socialization - Melinda Harrington

The Dreaded “S” Word – Socialization

- Melinda Harrington

The Correct Amount and Appropriate Quality of Socialization

(There's a video made by Marnie at the end of this post you can watch after reading, or you could just skip to it straight away!)

By far the most common question homeschoolers are asked is “.. and what about socialization?” Or “What about the social side of things?” Most homeschoolers we know roll their eyes or stifle their laughter when the topic of 'socialization' is raised. Let's

take a look at it more closely.

So what exactly is socialization?

I find it really hard to answer this question outright, because the whole concept of 'socialization' is complex. Surely it's not just about how much or how often our children have contact with other children. Or is it?

Are we being asked whether a home schooled child has the appropriate amount of contact with others? Which leads me to ask what IS the appropriate amount? Surely it's dependent on age of the child, and family size, and on the particular individual personality and circumstances of the child.

When we talk about socializing a child, are we talking about contact with other children or contact with other teenagers, adults or elderly? Children in school have heaps of daily contact with other children their own age, and contact with a few teachers. Schools do not provide any significant contact with elderly people, or babies, or children who are more than a few years older or younger than themselves. They also don't provide much contact with adults in other professions or occupations. Does that mean they are being 'socialized' incorrectly?

I would argue that children do not need to be in the company of other children in a classroom setting for six hours per day in order to be 'socialized'. I'm not saying that schools are bad, or good or mediocre. I'm arguing here that there is more than one way for a child to have their social needs met. Not all children cope well with large groups or rowdy groups. Some children prefer to have time to themselves, or are quiet and reflective learners. Other children are so revved up by groups of people that they can't concentrate when there is a lot of sensory stimulation.

On a lighter note, one of the funniest T-shirts I’ve seen was worn by a homeschooled child. It read “I'm being civilized, not socialized”.

It's an interesting point to ponder for a moment. What does it mean to socialize a child at school? And why is this an inherently better place for a child to be socialized, rather than at home with a family and community?

Now I don't want to start “school bashing” because I believe that there are some schools that are brilliant and positive places for some children to be at. Some schools are places of close knit, caring community that genuinely care and support each other.

But many children do not have positive experiences at school. They are 'socialized' into a culture of disrespect, apathy and negativity.

Surely a parent has the right to maintain control of the way in which their child is 'socialized'. What if I don't want my child to learn about how to cheat on an exam, or have exposure to material that I think is inappropriate for her age level or developmental level? Or to have exposure to cultures of bullying and intimidation, or anxiety provoking pessimism?

And so I'll make a bold statement here: I am socializing, and civilizing and nurturing the beautiful character of my daughter as best I can, and part of that process is home education.

What do you think? Are schools the best place to 'socialize' children?

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